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A brief run-down of what's been going on in Estel's life recently...

Lots of cases.  Some good, though nothing's jumping out of my memory right now.  Gets lost in the bad, because I've had a lot of kitties die.  Two very painful ones.  First was last Thursday-Friday, I had a kitty come in who was trying to die on presentation (temp of 95, a normal kitty should be 101-102).  She was a little old lady's cat, and the woman just kept wanting to know if it was anything she did.  I managed to get the kitty stabilized in an incubator for a few hours, but she died overnight.  This one wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that my coworkers ditched me Thursday night.  I was over an hour late heading out of the office (which I don't mind, it happens sometimes that things take time).  I always check with the other vets to make sure they're all right and there's nothing I can do to help before I leave.  My bosses just left, no head's up, no warning, no "do you want some help with the seizing dying cat".  I had to call the guy who was supposed to be doing emergency/patient care over night on his cell phone to tell him there was critical patient.  I don't think this would bother me so much if I didn't try so hard to make sure everyone's fine before I leave.  A little bit of courtesy in return would be good.  At least the owner was very appreciative of everything we tried.  I don't think I've ever been thanked so much when an animal dies.  Wish I could have saved her, though.  :-(
 
Yesterday I had to euthanize one of the kitties I first saw when I started practicing.  She was old--14, almost 15.  We'd been working with her for bladder and kidney stones, so I saw her on a regular basis (every 2-4 weeks).  Last April her owner (a really nice little old lady) finally let me take the bladder stones out, and she'd been doing really well, so I actually hadn't seen her in a while.  Then she came in for weight loss, not eating, just not doing well for the last two weeks, and I had to diagnosis her with carcinomatosis (cancer spreading along the body wall, pretty much nothing we can do for it).  Euthanasia was the best decision, but I hate breaking little old lady's hearts.  I hate breaking anyone's heart, really, but there's something about the attempt at dignity and the quiet tears and knowing how much the animals mean that makes it even harder with the elderly, most times.
Also have been having my own personal health issues, which may be part of why I'm being so glum.  I've had psoriasis for something like fifteen years.  It's been getting worse for the last six-ish years, but it's never really been more than a cosmetic problem and I've been busy and poor (thanks, vet school, love you too), so I've been pretty much been just self-doctoring.  Last year I ended up with an abcess on my foot which was MRSA (the super-resistant bacteria, huzzah, love working in the medical profession where we're exposed to stuff like that).  They put me on a super-high dose of TMS (an antibiotic that's really good for MRSA), and it fixed the problem eventually but also made me feel like hell.  By the end of it I was pretty convinced that I was having an allergic reaction to the TMS, but the human physicians were very determined that this couldn't *possibly* be what was happening, that I needed to just suck it up and drink more water and finish my meds.  I did, I survived, life was good.

Except now I've got another abcess in a similar place.  The psoriasis is certainly not helping, because it makes my skin fragile and breakable and itch like the devil (especially if I'm stressed...) and heaven knows my self-control for not itching is pretty terrible (Cat has threatened to turn me into a mummy with bandages if I don't stop itching), but I'm also really worried there might be something wrong with my immune system because a (relatively) healthy female of my age should not be getting repeated severe skin infections like this even with psoriasis.  I don't have a primary care physician and haven't for the last six years (see poor and busy above, though at least the first of those is better now that I'm out of vet school and actually getting paid to work instead of paying for it), but I really need to get one.  Since I don't have one and I knew what the ER doctors would do, I decided to self-medicate with TMS (I've got it on hand, we use it for dogs) at a more reasonable dose since, y'know, I *definitely couldn't be allergic to it*.

Well, given the itchy red rash on my arms and the fact that I feel like I got run over by a sixteen-wheeler and the fact that my vision was blurry and my freaking *kidneys* hurt for about 24 hours after one dose, I would say that no, Ms. I'm-a-human-doctor-and-know-you-can't-possibly-be-having-a-reaction, it was not my failing to hydrate myself or any of the other stupid reasons you gave.  I have developed an allergy to TMS.  And you know what allergic reactions to TMS can end up with?  Skin sloughing.  Kidney failure.  Death.  So how about we don't try any more?  (I am so glad I didn't get a high dose again.  A low dose was bad enough.  -.-)

I am going to make sure this ends up in my chart.  And I'm going to hope that topical treatments fix my leg, because I really don't want to end up hospitalized on IV antibiotics.  Though hey, I suppose that would mean I'd get bloodwork to look into whatever is causing these problems.  Assuming I don't end up in the hospital, I need to really stop being a depressed, tired ball of uselessness and get myself a primary care physician who can give me referrals and all that jazz.  It's always such a hassle dealing with human primary care doctors, though--they book up so far in advance, they keep better than bankers hours that don't really work with my work schedule, and I hate filling out paperwork.  Bah.  I'd say I wish I could just get my own bloodwork, but I wouldn't even know what I'm looking for (I could look for organ problems, read a CBC, and I know lupus runs in my family, but I don't really know what all could be causing my problems, just that something isn't right).  If only I were a cat or a dog...
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