Les Mis, Real Life, and Exhaustion

[estelraca]

So I dragged Cat and our two roomies to see Les Mis yesterday, and it was amazing!  It's the closest I've ever been to the stage at a performance (and it wasn't all that close, but it was the best me and my finances could do).  The cast was absolutely fantastic.  It was interesting seeing what's changed since the movie (and trying to remember what things looked like last time... I do not have a visual memory).  I pretty much loved the entire thing.  The parts with the Amis were wonderful and my favorites, as per usual.  I cried, which is pretty much what I want Les Mis to do to me.  Break my heart, show, so that I remember how amazing people can be.

And then we met Jason and Joe.  It was a bit awkward waiting for them, because the crew was getting ready to head to the next city.  (I don't think I've heard anyone say 'fan' quite so derogatorily as one of the people did when I said we were friends-of-a-friend and that Jason knew we were supposed to be there and to please not make us wait in the <i>blizzard</i> outside.)  Despite the fact that I tend to be absolutely terrified of being places I'm not wanted, we stuck around.  And I'm so glad we did, because they were amazing.  Cat and Guard drew that fantastic picture, and we gave it to them and they were so happy.  I managed to put a few coherent sentences together because I was apparently the spokesperson of our group.  I didn't manage to say nearly as much as I wanted to, but at least I said that they did a great job and that I loved their interpretations of the characters.  I forgot to snap pictures when we gave them the fanart, which is a shame because they made some fantastic expressions.  (Jason really does have trouble closing his mouth when he's happy or excited, but it's adorable.)

And then I had to go back to dealing with real life.  Vet school managed to screw me out of a fair amount of money from my tax return via shenanigans involving what years they put tuition on.  My great-grandfather, a really amazing man, passed away the day before Les Mis.  My boss won't just give me a straight yes-or-no answer on if I can take time off to go to the funeral, which is several states away from where I am.  He just keeps telling me to do "what I want to do".  Which is honor a good man, but not have to deal with my family, because my family can be awful to each other at times like this.  And because it's awkward because grandpa was incredibly proud of me for being the first person in my family to earn a doctorate, but we didn't talk much the last few years, partly because I couldn't tell him anything about my personal life (I should be braver about dealing with LGBT issues with my family, but I've been disowned before and I just can't deal with it well).  And I don't want to make my bosses angry, and I can't read them at the moment about whether they're going to be angry or not if I do decide to go.

And now my brain feels stuffed with cotton and I can't write and I need to make these Important Life Decisions.  And I feel like a terrible person because the decision to go to the funeral will likely depend on if the time off will come out of my vacation.  Because if it does, I can't afford to go.  I need what little vacation time I get to go toward something relaxing, otherwise this job will eat my soul despite how much I love it.

(On a bonus rant, customers, please stop trying to joke with us about being angry about money.  I deal with people on a weekly basis who tell me I'm a bitch and that I don't care about anyone and that I'm just a money-loving monster who's enjoying watching their animal die because I can't give away my services.  So even if you laugh after your "Oh, you just want my money" comment?  It's not funny.  You just put me through five different kinds of hell as I tried to figure out what I can do to try to help you and your animal and not break your bank account.)

Comments

[tcregan]

First. *HUG*

As far as Les Mis goes - I'm SO SO SO happy you guys went and ecstatic that you had a good time. And yes, Jason has a complete inability to close his mouth but he's truly adorable and that's all that matters.

As far as personal stuff. Go to the funeral. But ignore your family. Family is what you make it, not whose blood you have. My parents refuse to acknowledge Vee. In fact, the only person in my family who has is my grandmother. Unless you count my older sister who told me I was going to hell. So I empathize. But you know, Cat is your life. And if you guys plan on being together, your family needs to get used to the idea, or cut you out entirely. And if they cut you out, they weren't ever your family to begin with. You can't dehumanize a person based on who they love.

If you don't go, you may end up regretting it. And if your bosses don't understand FUNERAL? ... They're just assholes, they are.

Don't worry about writing right now. Work on getting your life together first. Then fandom stuff.

Customers will always be assholes, unless they've been through retail before. Even then it's a little touch and go. Some forget the hells of dealing with people like themselves on a regular basis.

*hugs*

You can do it. You can get through this.

[estelraca]

The Les Mis show was fantastic. It was everything I had hoped it would be, and it really made the weekend a much better time. Jason and Joe were just beyond amazing. I actually find it really endearing that Jason has this gape-mouthed look of utter happiness--it's just so sincere and adorable. And Joe was being such a Jason fanboy, complimenting his singing and agreeing with any praise we gave to Jason, it was wonderful. Thank you so much for setting it up.

Cat and I are pretty lucky in that both our immediate families (our folks and our siblings) have ended up coming to terms with us. It's just older generations and extended religious family that aren't. And there's a lot of tension between family branches out where grandpa lived that I just don't want to get dragged back into even outside that (partly having to do with my gender and status as first-born of my generation--my mom will never forgive my being slighted for being female rather than male, and while I understand the sentiment I'm old enough to have gotten through grad school... it may be time to let some ghosts rest), but I do want to say goodbye to him.

My bosses will probably be all right with it. They're actually pretty great guys. It's just bad timing--I just took a Saturday off for Les Mis and requested most of my miniscule vacation time for Chicago, so now being "and I need these three days off so I can go to a funeral" feels awkward. And I just wanted them to give me a yes-or-no, not a "if you really need it we can try to make the schedule work". Because how do you define "really need it"? Blargh... If it's not out of my vacation, I will go. If it is, I will hold my own vigil for him and say goodbye in my own way.

I know the writing will come. It's just frustrating, because writing is part of how I try to deal with things and when I can't I feel like everything just keeps swimming around in my head and choking any actual coherent thoughts. But it will come. Eventually.

Thank for the hugs! They are greatly appreciated. And having someone else say it's all right to want to go to the funeral (and not be like "great-grandparents are old, they die, it's what they do") is really appreciated.

[bobbiewickham]

My sympathies about your great-grandfather. I'm sorry you have to deal with family stress on top of the loss. I don't think you're a terrible person at all for not wanting to give up your vacation time for the funeral, which sounds like it may be very hard on you. I believe funerals are for the living, so your feelings about it are key.

And, ugh, people who think it's okay to get sneery about paying you because you make your living by providing a valuable and humane service.

Glad you had a good time at Les Mis! Meeting the actors sounds like it was worth the snootiness you had to put up with. :)

[catofshades]

*HUGS*

Not much more to add here, since I say it to you irl anyway.
Just *hugs*

[estelraca]

Thanks for the well-wishes. It looks like I'll be going to the funeral. After we all got some rest and a break from the terrible day yesterday, my bosses were really nice. It'll still be hard, because there's a lot of deep-seated family drama that always ends up unearthed at events like this, but I think I'll be happier if I go.

Which means five days with no internet and no Cat (my beta and fiance is CatofShades), but it's worth it. Heck, without distractions maybe I'll get a bit more writing done.

If you ever get a chance to see the touring US company, do so. They're amazing. The actors who play Enjolras and Grantaire are fantastic (Jason and Joe). They're both incredible singers, Joe is a huge Brick fan, and they're in a relationship. Jason's incredibly open and classy and unapologetic about his sexuality, something I always appreciate.

Also, thank you so much for the sympathy about money issues. It's the worst part of vet med. If I could just practice medicine, doing what I wanted without having to consider cost, life would be so much easier.

[bobbiewickham]

I'm glad you're able to go to the funeral, then. I hope all goes smoothly.

(...and wow, that is just too cute about the actors dating each other.)